Questions and Answers about ForeignPolicy (and the U.S. Invasion of Iraq )(c) 2003 anarchie bunkerPermission is freely granted to copy,print, and distribute this material byany means, so long as the author isgiven proper credit and so long asthis statement is included in any andall copies made for distribution.Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack
Iraq ?
A: Because they had weapons of mass
destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any
weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were
hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq ?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better
than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we
STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so
well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the
2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those
weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all
those weapons that they planned to use
in a war, then why didn't they use any
of those weapons when we went to war
with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want
anyone to know they had those weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands
rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would
they choose to die if they had all
those big weapons with which they
could have fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not
supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I
don't think they had any of those
weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter
whether or not they had those weapons.
We had another good reason to invade
them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons
of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was a cruel dictator, which is another
good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do
that makes it OK to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured
his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in
China ?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq .
China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for
slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S.
corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be
exploited for American corporate gain,
it's a good country, even if that
country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being
tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like
criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were
sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in
China ?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between
China and Iraq ?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was
ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China
is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists
were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who
criticize the government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq ?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China , too?
A: I told you, China 's a good
economic competitor. Cuba, on the
other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good
economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early
1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to
trade or do any business with Cuba
until they stopped being Communists
and started being capitalists like
us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws,
opened up trade with Cuba , and
started doing business with them,
wouldn't that help the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have
freedom of religion in Cuba .
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun
Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things
about China . Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup,
so he's not really a legitimate leader
anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general
takes over the government of a country
by force, instead of holding free
elections like we do in the United
States .
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come
to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf?
Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our
friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if
their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was
illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military
general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government
of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez
Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us invade Afghanistan .
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan ?
A: Because of what they did to us on
September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on
September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen
men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians -
hijacked four airplanes and flew three
of them into buildings in New York and
Washington , killing 3,000 innocent
people.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into
all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad
men trained, under the oppressive rule
of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad
radical Islamics who chopped off
people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were.
Not only did they chop off people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed
women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration
give the Taliban 43 million dollars
back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward
because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful
in stopping people from growing opium
poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught
growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut
off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off
people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they
cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical
Islamic fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers,
but it's cruel if they cut off
people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's
hands and heads in Saudi Arabia ?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was
ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to
wear burqas whenever they were in
public, with death by stoning as the
penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear
burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a
traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering
worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of
a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers. The burqa, on the other hand,
is an evil tool of patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a
woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with
a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing
Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia . The
Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the
19 hijackers on September 11th were
from Saudi Arabia .
A: Yes, but they trained in
Afghanistan .
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin
Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan ?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia
too. But he was a bad man, a very bad
man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend
once.
A: Only when we helped him and the
mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the
Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The
Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have
elections and capitalism like us. We
call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the
Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they
were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then
they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq , so we're mad at
them now. We're also mad at the French
and the Germans because they didn't
help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are
evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad
enough that we had to rename French
fries and French toast to Freedom
Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever
another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our
friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends
back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq
back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was
fighting against Iran , which made him
our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our
enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the
Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting
against Iran at the time, we looked
the other way, to show him we were his
friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one
of our enemies automatically becomes
our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one
of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too.
However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both
sides at the same time, all the
better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the
economy, which means war is good for
America . Also, since God is on
America 's side, anyone who opposes
war is a godless unAmerican Communist.
Do you understand now why we attacked
Iraq ?
Q: I think so. We attacked them
because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us
to attack Iraq ?
A: Well, you see, God personally
speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying
is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his
head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how
the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to
sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy
